Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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