would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
