I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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