If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
