brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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