i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
