K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
