My hair reeks of homosexuality.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
