he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
