Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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