Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think i have two assholes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
