In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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