Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
