1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
