dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
