Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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