someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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