Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
