yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
false alarm. still invincible.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
