Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
