You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
