well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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