I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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