um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
