Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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