Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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