Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
