about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
