dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
