one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bring me that man meat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
