he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
