I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
