You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
