Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
