I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found a bag of teeth...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
