so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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