oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
