i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
