these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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