"it" just moved
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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