Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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