Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
