So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
