2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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