I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
