Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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