I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
