We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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