based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
