I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
