Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
