i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Michael Bay diarrhea
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want a musical about memes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
