Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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