get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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