Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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