does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
