I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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