I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
